Leathers & Feathers

Written by

Lord Humongous - Warrior of the Wasteland

Two years ago, when gas got over $3 a gallon, everyone decided the environment was a legit problem and being a green consumer (or at least pretending you cared via conspicuous consumption) became trendy. If something we want is too expensive, we can fix it by buying something else, right? Now that there’s a shortage of gas you’re probably wondering what you can buy to fix that. Here’s a shortlist for you: Get some football equipment, tie a few dead crows to it, stock up on canned dog food, and adopt a feral child. Problem solved. Plus it gets kids off the street. After that, come see us on the road with the Adult Swim County Fair. We’ll be the ones giving out free shirts. We know you love your cars and won’t part with them unless you are dragged away kicking and screaming. Just remember these are the salad days that you’ll be telling your grandkids about when they’re bitching at $4-a-gallon tap water.